Pins and needles.

How to start.

I hate this "after social panic" I get after I've been away somewhere visiting friends. If I just stay at home I feel stupid. If I go but stay quiet and don't make much noice of my self I feel like I'm in the way. If I act social and talk I end up feeling like I'm taking too much space. And when I get home I feel like everything I've done is wrong. I talked too much, or too little, or said the wrong things.

I don't like this.

I just wanna hide. Crawl back into bed and never wake up. Why does it have to be so damn hard to live. Why can't I be like everyone else. No no, why can't I be me. But better. Not so distracted, so confused. So internally messed up and worried. I want to be good, I want to be great, I want to be everything except for a mistake. Believe in my self. Want to, can't do. I don't like this. What's wrong, what's right.

It's like walking on pins and needles.
Scream, cry, sleep.

I wanted to draw a new pic and post today. that didn't happen.