Couldn't sleep, so my thoughts started to have their own life again. And I started to wonder... If I died tomorow, would I be happy with what I leave behind, and / or would I have any regrets ?
Well, I'd be leaving my family and a few very good friends. That wouldn't be fun ofc. And I'd leave behind a big mess of random small stuff, books, half working pc and other crappy crap crapps. And my fishes... But besides that, it's ok.
Sure I wouldn't have minded if my life had been a tiny bit different than it is now or gone a slightly different way than it did. But arguing about that would be as usefull as to yell at a tree because it didn't grow the way you wanted it to.
You can't tell the tree, this is how I want you to grow. Just as I think that you can't tell your life how you want it to be, and then expect it to simply do as you wish. Think of it as a bonsai tree. You can't tell it how to grow. But you can help it go in the direction you want.
I still have the time to help my tree grow in the direction I want it too. But if I would die tomorow, the only regret I would have would be that I'd be leaving my dear friends and family behind. I have made the only mark I need in their hearts.
Everything else, is just cosmetics for the rest of the world to see.